So here it goes

-I'm still apathetic about the move. I don't want to move.

-I don't have too much of a choice anyway, seeing as lately I've been financially screwed.

-School is stressing me out too bad. I'm taking next semester off.

-I'm addicted to 90210.

-I feel like I can't do anything right anymore.

-As for the last blog...I know what that point feels like now.

Diary of a closet spender

"Ah, the Wells Fargo flower checks," he said, silently judging me for choosing another bank, "while you're here we should get you an account."

I groaned inwardly.

"Do I need to open one here if I'm just giving you my car payment?" I asked, genuinely curious...and worried. I weighed the options of having another stress pot (read: bank account).

"Well, no, but we'd like it if you did."

"I'm sure." I was not amused.

I left the Chase bank feeling completely blonde. I'd been three different locations trying to make a car payment, all because I don't read what is right in front of me. It had gotten to the point where I just wanted to hand some guy on the street a blank check, glad anyone would be willing to accept my car payment.

I sat in my car after that, glaring at a perpetual stop light realizing this was the beginning of a beautiful psycle. Girl gets fancy new object (car, education, food), girl gets a payment date, girl stresses about payment, girl is berated repeatedly about payments, girl finally makes payments, girl stresses about next payments, buys self mexican meal out of self-loathing.

Then, over my chicken burrito combo, I wondered when my breaking point was. When would I snap? Have I already snapped? What happens after snappage? Am I post-snappage and oblivious? Didn't obliviousness lead to my snappage?

I dropped all worries immediately. For I needed another Sprite.

Another Stressed Blog.

Ever since the Seattle trip, I've been struggling to bounce back money-wise. It's been damn near impossible because the trip, tuition, car and insurance payments keep piling up on me and I can only get one paycheck at a time. Mom said she wants me to close one of my bank accounts so that I "can keep all my money in one place" because she "doesn't want to get notices saying I overdrew. Again." I was offended. I asked her to please, please not view me as irresponsible. I don't know what she thinks I am.

I asked that because I know I'm not irresponsible. I realize I do a very good job at proving otherwise, but it's just with money I know I don't have any. I know I have limits. Every overdraw is an accident. The bank doesn't keep up and update my online account as quicly as they should, and things often get charged later than the transaction date. Things keep happening to me and my account, it's not (completely) my fault.

I'm trying so hard not to ask for help. I want to handle all of this on my own. But things just want to work against me. Zack helped me out yesterday, and I was so grateful. I was just about to get back up on my feet, but then my insurance automatically withdrew the amount it does every month. And I was back down to -140. Now that money he gave me puts me back up to $0.00. Right where I started.

I just don't think I can win with this capitalism thing. Or is it this "non-frugal" spending problem of mine? Either way, I refuse to ask for anymore help. That's...going to be a learning experience.

In the meantime...

Well, it looks like we're moving. I found out through a text message. It may not be for a month or three and it's not settled yet, but I'm sure that it's happening.

Great.

I don't want to move. Yes I do, that was a lie, but I don't want to move with my parents. I love them but I'm nineteen and I want to live on my own. Everyone says, "stay! It's free!" but I don't care. Try thinking back to when you were nineteen and desperate for your own adulthood. It wouldn't be as bad if the place had a mother-in-law apartment, but it doesn't. I want my own place. A little (more) independence...wouldn't be too much of a change actually. I guess I'm going to start looking around, see what I can afford.

And when typing "affordable apartments for Rebecca Frost, Salt Lake City" on Google, search returns no results.

Things will work out, why shouldn't they? Maybe I can form a living area under my desk at work. It's about the size of a studio apartment. Yeah, that'll work. Oh and I need a new cell phone. Mine is no bueno. Oh well. Until next time.

P.S. "Praying for an assassination"? That is a little extreme and not to mention offensive.

Jefferson's Theme Song

Some updates:

Zack is finally moving out tomorrow. I'm so excited for him. In a way, I'm very excited for myself too. It's like I'm kind of moving out as well. Not only that, but Zack knows how anti-social we are and so we decided that this move will (hopefully) change things for us. I also feel a bit grown up. I don't know why, it's not even my place.

It's a long story, but let's just say Facebook helps my stalker instincts. I like to look on from afar and see how others are leading their lives. Does that make me a bad person? A peeping Tom? A...nosy Nancy?

I've developed a fabulous diet coke and Tori and Dean addiction.

My car is still running delightfully!

Barack Obama truly is awesome. His speech the other day at the convention was so...just great! I think he will make a wonderful president. OBAMA '08!!!