And I wonder...

I don't know why I'm so scared of everything. I'm afraid of putting myself out there and ultimately making a fool of myself I guess. I know when I DO do it, I love it, but before that...ugh. I don't get what the deal is.

Basically, I've been thinking a lot about my past and my future. My present, not so much. I'm just playing that by ear. But as for the other two...I guess past-wise I'm afraid I'm too late to make any changes. Which makes me afraid to try to change the way I am now. It's silly, but, it's who I am. I feel like I can't do anything about it. Future-wise, there are so many things I want to do but I don't know if I can. A lot of people want me to study abroad or at least go to Brazil like I was thinking about a few months ago. Now I don't know. It sounds like it would be something incredible but...why can't I do it?

I guess I worry about leaving things behind. I like things the way they are, why can't I ever put myself out there and just do it? Grr...'tis the curse of being nineteen and Rebecca Frost.
(I keep thinking I'm eighteen, is that weird and am I the only one who does that, other nineteen-year olds?)