Pikturrz

Yearnings ahoy!

I have to wonder, are we truly old enough to make the decision to get married, let alone get engaged?

A good majority of the girls I went to high school with are now getting engaged. It's refreshing to see some girls wait this long (at least a year and a half) outside of high school to even think about it, but it still makes me think, "really? Now?"

I suppose this is my J-Monster writing this blog, saying, "I want a ring for Christmas!" But I don't. I want to wait a while longer. I can barely afford school how would I afford my wedding? Well, my dream wedding is fairly cheap, but still. A friend asked me, "if you know who you're going to spend the rest of your life with, why wait?" I guess it's because since I know we'll be together that long, waiting to get married isn't such a hard thing to wait for.

I know I want to get through school a little bit, I know I want to be a bit older (and by that I mean just one more year) and I want to be able to survive comfortably.

In other news, Happy Birthday Zack!!!

And now, a scene by Rebecca Frost

What happened in my life to make me get so jealous so easy? Whenever I feel the slightest twinge of jealousy it somehow erupts into a volcanic disaster of green-eyed monster. Curious.

I'm sooooo excited for Christmas! I'ma gonna go downa to Arizona with mah boyfrenn! It's going to be so fun.

Speaking of which, my car Chandler had to go to the doctor. He's fine.

School registration starts on the 17th, and I decided I'm going to get my s*** together and go part time and only work part time. I don't know if I can afford that though. We will see.

Today at work people kept talking about me and Zack getting married. I'm only 19 and as much as I would like to get married at this ripe age, we know better to wait. Buuuuuuuuuuut I'm just saying, if I could get married, I totally would. Which reminds me, here's a scene between my mother and me the other day:

(Suzanne sits down to tie her shoes)

REBECCA: (continuing a story)...so his roommates call him Bean and me Bean's Girlfriend.

SUZANNE: Why? Because he's tall like a bean pole? Does he like beans a lot?

REBECCA: No, his last name is Bean.

SUZANNE: Oh, I didn't know that.

REBECCA: Yeah, so we're trying to figure out who gets screwed last name wise in the marriage. He refuses to be Zack Frost.

SUZANNE: (pauses, looks up from her shoes with an awed expression) That sounds AWESOME.

REBECCA: I KNOW RIGHT???

FIN.

Printing Press

Bleh. I have to read this stupid book about East African cattle-herders by Wednesday, and write a few pages about it. Since I realized I don't want to go into anthropology, I hate this class a million times more.

What I really want? A career in television. So I'm working my way through it with a degree in radio. Or something. I'm not really sure, I'm having trouble here. Uh...yeah...

Zack got an iPhone. I'm crazy jealous. I need one now.

I think I've come to a decision. About more than one thing.

Oh, also, I'm trying to decide about what to do for Christmas. I want to go to Arizona, but Zack wants to spend it with me, so I think he should come too. My second family is also going to be in Arizona for Christmas, so...that could be a lot of fun. I love bringing Zack into my family life, normally I hate it, but I love Zack too much to keep him from it. He fits right in.

Why won't my printer work!?

Flip Floppy

First I wanted to be a journalist, then I wanted to be an anthropologist, now I want to be on the radio???

MAKE UP YOUR MIND, REBECCA!

P.S. I took a bunch of pictures of the new house, I'll upload/email them upon request.

Workin' Blogs!

As much as I really, really, hate the house, I'm warming up to it. I guess as more of our stuff starts to overflow out of every room it starts to feel a little like a new home. But only a little. I am mostly excited because I have the opportunity to paint it and match furniture in my room the way I want. So...I'm flipping through the Ikea handbook for ideas because yes, I am that unoriginal.

It's got me thinking about what I'm supposed to do with my future. Kind of. Okay that was a bit of a lie, I'm not really thinking about it. I only think about it after I watch Forgetting Sarah Marshall and then I know I'm supposed to move to Hawaii. That movie keeps trying to change my life!

My one-year anniversary with Zack is quickly approaching. If you know me, I don't keep track of anniversaries, so when I was reminded that this month was our one-year I got a little weirded out. Since when do I stay in a relationship for this long? He is working at Apple Spice now too, so for all you people who thought I didn't see him enough...here you go.

I am starving.

Here is a list of things I have said about my new room:
> Now I know how Harry felt.
> But at least Harry had a door...
> Movin' to the crawlspace.
> I wonder if I'll miss the sun...
> Is this a shower?? No...it's a dead body storage facility.
> Is this a laundry chute? A dumbwaiter? No...another dead body storage facility.
> You know, if I need something from the closet in the other room I can just reach through the wall and get it!
> I hope a hand doesn't pop out of that hole in the night.

There's more, but that's all I can think of. I have to go do some work now.

So here it goes

-I'm still apathetic about the move. I don't want to move.

-I don't have too much of a choice anyway, seeing as lately I've been financially screwed.

-School is stressing me out too bad. I'm taking next semester off.

-I'm addicted to 90210.

-I feel like I can't do anything right anymore.

-As for the last blog...I know what that point feels like now.

Diary of a closet spender

"Ah, the Wells Fargo flower checks," he said, silently judging me for choosing another bank, "while you're here we should get you an account."

I groaned inwardly.

"Do I need to open one here if I'm just giving you my car payment?" I asked, genuinely curious...and worried. I weighed the options of having another stress pot (read: bank account).

"Well, no, but we'd like it if you did."

"I'm sure." I was not amused.

I left the Chase bank feeling completely blonde. I'd been three different locations trying to make a car payment, all because I don't read what is right in front of me. It had gotten to the point where I just wanted to hand some guy on the street a blank check, glad anyone would be willing to accept my car payment.

I sat in my car after that, glaring at a perpetual stop light realizing this was the beginning of a beautiful psycle. Girl gets fancy new object (car, education, food), girl gets a payment date, girl stresses about payment, girl is berated repeatedly about payments, girl finally makes payments, girl stresses about next payments, buys self mexican meal out of self-loathing.

Then, over my chicken burrito combo, I wondered when my breaking point was. When would I snap? Have I already snapped? What happens after snappage? Am I post-snappage and oblivious? Didn't obliviousness lead to my snappage?

I dropped all worries immediately. For I needed another Sprite.

Another Stressed Blog.

Ever since the Seattle trip, I've been struggling to bounce back money-wise. It's been damn near impossible because the trip, tuition, car and insurance payments keep piling up on me and I can only get one paycheck at a time. Mom said she wants me to close one of my bank accounts so that I "can keep all my money in one place" because she "doesn't want to get notices saying I overdrew. Again." I was offended. I asked her to please, please not view me as irresponsible. I don't know what she thinks I am.

I asked that because I know I'm not irresponsible. I realize I do a very good job at proving otherwise, but it's just with money I know I don't have any. I know I have limits. Every overdraw is an accident. The bank doesn't keep up and update my online account as quicly as they should, and things often get charged later than the transaction date. Things keep happening to me and my account, it's not (completely) my fault.

I'm trying so hard not to ask for help. I want to handle all of this on my own. But things just want to work against me. Zack helped me out yesterday, and I was so grateful. I was just about to get back up on my feet, but then my insurance automatically withdrew the amount it does every month. And I was back down to -140. Now that money he gave me puts me back up to $0.00. Right where I started.

I just don't think I can win with this capitalism thing. Or is it this "non-frugal" spending problem of mine? Either way, I refuse to ask for anymore help. That's...going to be a learning experience.

In the meantime...

Well, it looks like we're moving. I found out through a text message. It may not be for a month or three and it's not settled yet, but I'm sure that it's happening.

Great.

I don't want to move. Yes I do, that was a lie, but I don't want to move with my parents. I love them but I'm nineteen and I want to live on my own. Everyone says, "stay! It's free!" but I don't care. Try thinking back to when you were nineteen and desperate for your own adulthood. It wouldn't be as bad if the place had a mother-in-law apartment, but it doesn't. I want my own place. A little (more) independence...wouldn't be too much of a change actually. I guess I'm going to start looking around, see what I can afford.

And when typing "affordable apartments for Rebecca Frost, Salt Lake City" on Google, search returns no results.

Things will work out, why shouldn't they? Maybe I can form a living area under my desk at work. It's about the size of a studio apartment. Yeah, that'll work. Oh and I need a new cell phone. Mine is no bueno. Oh well. Until next time.

P.S. "Praying for an assassination"? That is a little extreme and not to mention offensive.

Jefferson's Theme Song

Some updates:

Zack is finally moving out tomorrow. I'm so excited for him. In a way, I'm very excited for myself too. It's like I'm kind of moving out as well. Not only that, but Zack knows how anti-social we are and so we decided that this move will (hopefully) change things for us. I also feel a bit grown up. I don't know why, it's not even my place.

It's a long story, but let's just say Facebook helps my stalker instincts. I like to look on from afar and see how others are leading their lives. Does that make me a bad person? A peeping Tom? A...nosy Nancy?

I've developed a fabulous diet coke and Tori and Dean addiction.

My car is still running delightfully!

Barack Obama truly is awesome. His speech the other day at the convention was so...just great! I think he will make a wonderful president. OBAMA '08!!!

I Want To Thank You

Where the pee have I been? School starts next week and everyone else mentions how they're going to school and I have to stop and remind myself that "Oh, yes, that," is fastly approaching. I need books, I need tuition money, I kind of need to focus and remind myself that hey, school may actually matter. But I don't think it should matter until I know what I want to do. I was in the information meeting about the classes I'd need to take to graduate with a degree in mass communication and I kept thinking, "this is exceptionally boring. I don't think any of this interests me." That can't be good. I'm into my second year of college, should I have picked something out by now? I don't want to be one of those students in their fourth year of school because they had barely picked their ideal career.

I had to drop a class just to afford tuition. I was very sad about it. It was intro to anthropology and an online class. I could have done pretty well, I believe. But because tuition was just over $2,000 for fall semester (and I'm only going part time anyway), I dropped it. Now I'm at seven credit hours with only two classes. They look interesting enough, but I don't know why I'm frustrated I had to drop the one class. Normally, I would be stoked I could remove one class from my life. I should be happy because, well you know me, I don't enjoy school. But intro to anthropology! C'mon!

At any rate, my car is still working wonders on my happiness. I feel so free, liberated. A long, looong time ago I came up with the philosophy that the two greatest things in the world are liberation and confidence. It still holds strong. Add true love into the mix and if that doesn't make one exceptionally beyond a doubt happy, there's something wrong with you.

The clock is about to strike 5:00. Next week I change to 8:00-4:00 from 9:00-5:00. Then school from 6:00-9:00 in the evenings. When's play time?

Speaking of which, Zack is moving out within the next two weeks. I'm so excited for him. Yet very jealous. My parents have been looking at houses closer to downtown with a mother-in-law apartment for me to live in. Sounds pretty good actually. It'd be nice to have some freedom (like I don't have any. I don't have a curfew, my parents are pretty lax about how I spend my time). Hopefully it'll be before the end of the year, a change would be nice.

And next week, I'm sure I'll get it.

Crazy random happenstance

Alright, my last post was a bit hasty. But in my defense, I was crazy-excited over my new car. Good news, I bought it all by myself. I was approved for loans and everything without a co-signer and it's my responsibility. I'm on my own insurance and I get to make my own payments. The bad news: It's my responsibility. I'm on my own for this one. It'll be tough, but I think I can do it.

I registered for school today. Since I'm transferring to the U I'm only going part-time since I work full time. I'm pretty excited, I'm taking two anthropology classes and a sociology class. One's an online class so we'll see how that goes. I may drop one. Who knows.

I love working at Apple Spice. It's such a fun environment! I really enjoy it there. But as an added source of income, I've started selling my stuff on Amazon. It's a great way to make money! I've already made over $100 from books and dvds. Now...to sell that ski rack my car came with...

Some pictures to make me happy :) VVVVVVV

My New Baby!

Check out my new baby! An '02 Outback, I love it! I bought it all by myself! It's gonna be a pain to pay off though! GO ME!!!

Stressy Stress

I once again feel…stuck, lost. I hate feeling this way. Lately I feel like everything’s been on my own. And I hate that. I’ve been looking at cars because I need one for when school starts, and looking for cars is frustrating. There’s so many, I don’t know where to look. Not only that, but trying to figure out a loan situation is so hard. I just have to set time aside to get all that sorted out.

But that is difficult to do. Linnea graciously loaned Zack her car for a week while he gets things sorted out. Since I don’t drive, he has to take me places and I can’t always rely on him to take me where I need to go. Speaking of which, he has a place to live, so he gets to move out in a week or two. That’s…great. Great great great. I’m just jealous. I want to move out so bad but it’s not responsible for me to do right now and it doesn’t feel fair. My parents have been looking at condos and townhouses and I get this feeling that there’s a move in the near future but if my parents decide to move I don’t want to go with them. It just doesn’t seem very cool to me to move to a new place then desire so badly to live by myself.

I don’t know, that and the stress of registering for school and money it just…everything is so difficult right now and I just need to find some way to take care of myself.

Any advice? Words of wisdom? Jokes?

Seattle 2008 pt. 2

Photos at http://www.flickr.com/photos/frostrz/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/frostrz/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/frostrz/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/frostrz/

or look at my facebook.

Seattle 2008 pt. 1

I finally returned from my trip around eight this morning. I was supposed to be home Monday night, but as you can see, it's Wednesday. I'll get to that in a moment but let me tell you about my trip!

Zack and I packed up and left on the 5th and drove all day and rested in Troutdale, Oregon. We stayed in a gross Motel 6 and set out the following day for Bellevue, Washington, where his dad and step-mom live. I must say driving through that part of Oregon was beautiful, but Washington should be my real home. I love it there, the water, the forest, it's gorgeous and it calls to me.

We got to his parents house and relaxed for a few days and played with Andrew, Zack's younger brother (by younger I mean Andrew is 1 year old). I was introduced to The Wonderpets! and...I wish I never was. The songs get stuck in your head, and not in the fun way. But, along the trip I was introduced to a lot of new things, like Indian and Ethiopian food. I love trying new foods so that was an awesome experience.

We went to Seattle for a day and spent our time by the water, mostly at Pike's Market. I love it there. The small shops, the local flavor and culture is just so different than the life you see in Salt Lake City. I dropped a lot of money on clothes (poor Zack had to suffer while I shopped) and took in the atmosphere as much as I could. Needless to say, I think the decision to move to Seattle is a good one.

On Friday, we saw Eddie Izzard at the Paramount. Mapquest gave us wrong directions so we wond up walking a bit to the theater, but it was worth it! I love watching Eddie on tv and listening to his albums, but it's so much better to see him in person! He's incredibly funny and we had such good seats, we were ten rows back from the stage!

The Saturday before we left, Zack and I made our way to a little town called Forks, Washington. It was a nightmare. Well, the only nightmare was the town itself, the trip was fun. It took six hours to get there, we had to take a ferry, drive through small towns and forest, and it was beautiful along the way...until we reached Forks. Forks sucks. It's a town of trailer parks and double wides. Not only that, but there was not a cloud in the sky. Ridiculous. I've learned my lesson though, don't visit places in books. I'll never try to find Hogwarts now. On the way home, I told Zack what Twilight was all about and he felt so bad that my dream was shattered. To help my pain he drove 100 mph along the highway, like a Cullen. He's so sweet.

Since we felt like we wasted a day, we decided to leave the next day and spend one more day in Bellevue. It was nice, especially since his dad installed a new 58' HD tv. I feel like I have to squint at regular televisions now.

We left on Monday, determined to make it home by ten Salt Lake time. Alas, life had other plans. Outside North Powder, Oregon, the car broke down. The engine was making a terrible knock, so we limped to North Powder and waited for a tow truck. We were towed to Baker City to a mechanic where, after an hour and a half of wandering in Safeway and Rite Aid, we were told it was unfixable. Awesome. We spent some time trying to figure out what to do, and we decided to Greyhound it back to Salt Lake. We heaved all our luggage to the station (keep in mind we had to get everything we could out of the car) only to find the ticket booth had closed five minutes earlier. Dragging our luggage to the nearest motel, we crashed and spent the night there. We were told we could buy tickets from the bus driver in the morning if we paid in cash, so we tried that for the 6:30 bus. The bus driver slashed our dreams and told us he didn't sell the tickets, we could only buy from the ticket window, but that didn't open until 9:30. Once more, we dragged our stuff back to the motel, explained our situation to the woman at the desk and she let us have our room back until checkout, but then we'd have to talk to the manager if we wanted to keep it until seven, when the next bus was. While I was sleeping, Zack went over, bought tickets and talked to the manager (who wouldn't let us stay without paying for a whole night because she "had a business to run") and took care of everything. At 6:30 we, for a final time, trekked to the station, got on the bus--which was an hour late--and finally made our way home. It was icky and uncomfortable but hey, we lived.

After all of that, we decided we should go on The Amazing Race, because we never once got into an argument, got upset with each other or tore into each other. We're pretty much the perfect couple. And I had such a great time up there. Stay tuned for pictures.

My American Dream

My daily routine: I wake up about a half hour before I have to go to work. I go to the bathroom, I get dressed, I check my internet favorites in the same order every morning. I go to work. I do my work in the same order until lunch time. Then I eat a turkey sandwich with a bag of chips, a side of pasta salad, a cookie, and a diet coke. Then I work some more until 5. I leave work, go home, and spend my precious remaining hours of the day with either myself or my boyfriend. I go to bed at the same time every night and the cycle repeats the next day.

Is this what our human existence in America has become? I see the factory line everywhere. You’re born. You grow up through years of school. If you do well in school, you’re lucky to get a job where you do the same thing everyday, staring at the same wall or screen until you reach retirement. Even if you don’t do well in school, you still get a job repeating the same motions every day. Then retirement comes and you do nothing until the end…at least that seems to me what happens.

The American dream consists of repetitive motions. This isn’t my dream, why would my dream be staring at a computer screen, filing, and occasionally getting bitched at for something that wasn’t in my hands? That seems like a ridiculous dream. Capitalism is a fight that I don’t understand and I have no idea how to come out on top. It could be that I would just like success handed to me, but that doesn’t seem to be the way it works.

Work, work, work. I understand that some people like what they do, but they get some thread of creativity and action. What action can a desk hold? My life has become routine. It’s the exact opposite of what I wanted. Aren’t I creative? I feel my creativity being crushed with every invoice I fax, with every phone call with an ignorant customer, with every glance at the ceiling begging for 5 o’clock. Things…are becoming difficult.

I had a moment of weakness a few months ago. A moment of, heaven forbid, self thinking. Inspired by a movie, I nearly dropped everything and fled to Hawaii. I had no money, no plan, just the motivation to leave everything and be happy. I have a motto, “do what makes you happy.” Shouldn’t I follow my own advice? Certain things keep me grounded. My boyfriend, my work…the impressions and expectations other people have of me. I worry too much about other people’s expectations of me. I stay in school because it’s what they want. I keep my jobs because it’s what they want. Everyone wants to see me be successful in ways they weren’t.

But school and work and monotony are not my idea of success. My idea of success is happiness in whatever I do. I don’t really care if I don’t finish school. I’d be thrilled if I didn’t finish. If I lived fruitfully without a job, I’d be ecstatic. I want to live on a boat and trade and barter for my luxuries, I want to be somewhere tropical—away from the cold forever—and watch a sunset every night thinking I actually enjoyed my day. I want to fall asleep in my boyfriend’s arms, not thinking about what papers I’ll need to laminate tomorrow and wake up to the sound of waves, not beeps, and soak in free time.

I want to go to exotic lands and help people. I want to experience other cultures and the way others live. I don’t want to do it through some program that let’s me live in a house with amenities for a week while I help kids learn how to make boondoggles. I want to write successfully, I want to be an anthropologist—not a mass communications major. I want to be a vagabond. I want to learn on my own, I want stacks and stacks of books purchased of my own accord, teaching me things I want to know, not things I “need” to know. I want to learn languages, I want to learn histories, I want to learn philosophies without thriving to stick to my own. I want…freedom from everything.

I’ll continue to daydream at my desk until I work up the courage to drop everything and live freely, the way I want to.

Hard Knocks

I'm going to buy a car when I get back from Seattle in two weeks. I have been looking online at used cars and I think I've settled on either a Honda Passport or an Isuzu Rodeo (keep in mind, these two cars are exactly the same). I'm so tired of getting rides to work. I'm tired of never being able to go anywhere on my own. I need a car so bad, I'm starting not to care about cost.

On a completely unrelated note...

Had I a choice, I wouldn't keep going to school. I don't like it. I don't enjoy it. I've been trying to transfer to the U of U so, if they'll have me, I might enjoy school. Let's hope I get into the U.

I'm watching Men In Black on tv right now. I looooove this movie. When I was younger, my mom made me an MIB birthday cake. It was awesome.

And I wonder...

I don't know why I'm so scared of everything. I'm afraid of putting myself out there and ultimately making a fool of myself I guess. I know when I DO do it, I love it, but before that...ugh. I don't get what the deal is.

Basically, I've been thinking a lot about my past and my future. My present, not so much. I'm just playing that by ear. But as for the other two...I guess past-wise I'm afraid I'm too late to make any changes. Which makes me afraid to try to change the way I am now. It's silly, but, it's who I am. I feel like I can't do anything about it. Future-wise, there are so many things I want to do but I don't know if I can. A lot of people want me to study abroad or at least go to Brazil like I was thinking about a few months ago. Now I don't know. It sounds like it would be something incredible but...why can't I do it?

I guess I worry about leaving things behind. I like things the way they are, why can't I ever put myself out there and just do it? Grr...'tis the curse of being nineteen and Rebecca Frost.
(I keep thinking I'm eighteen, is that weird and am I the only one who does that, other nineteen-year olds?)

Sacrificial Goat

I believe there comes a time when we must make sacrifices. Some are more difficult than others, some are common sense. Each choice has something in common, something is given up. We may not like it, but, it's life. And life isn't fair.

I made a decision this week that will ultimately delay the one goal I was holding so dear to me these past few months. Hawaii will have to wait. But not because of me. I made the choice after discovering that Hawaii doesn't have what I needed, what we needed. So, Seattle first.

It's the more logical choice, the simplest one, and what makes it an easy choice is I wasn't thinking about me. Probably the first time in my life I did something for the consideration of someone else.

Lookout sandwich, I'm on the fast track to committing to something else for once.

Maybe (A dramatic blog in one act)

I wonder if I set my sights too high. Maybe...things won't work out for me next year. After a conversation today, I started thinking maybe it's better to be practical and responsible rather than skip off to Hawaii like I planned to.

I'm just not so happy here and I wanted something to look forward to, I guess.

I'm exhausted, I've been working non-stop and I haven't had any real weekends. I only get to see Zack at night and I just can't handle it anymore. So this weekend I finally get a weekend and lookee loo, I'm probably stuck babysitting.

It'd be nice to take a year off school. It won't happen, though.

When's my break? When's my escape? I don't mean to sound dramatic tonight but...when can things finally go my way?

A Great Adventure

(Quite possibly the only picture of us together in existence. And we both look hotter in real life.)

When he looks at me, I can't help but look anywhere else, my gaze locked on his. When he takes me by the hand, I feel secure and reassured. When he holds me close, I feel completely his. When he kisses me, my breath catches in my chest and I lose sight of everything else. I always have to remind myself to breathe.

Sorry, since Zack finally graduated, I feel more mature and like our relationship has taken a whole new step. Like stepping forward toward a more grown up life? I've completely stepped out of my childhood and teenage years and I'm finally moving toward adulthood. At least that's what it feels like. Have I gone through graduation twice? I wasn't even there for his but I'm at that point in my life again where I must ask the question, "what now?"


It's silly, really. Growing up is inevitable. I didn't necessarily enjoy my teenage years, but I'm terrified of really taking responsibility for life. Speaking of responsibility, I'm down to two jobs now. Soccer is over and I've quit the Beer Nut. Now it's Apple Spice for the summer and IHC when they need me. Working full time is tiresome, but the paychecks are amazing.


Thus, the saving for Seattle Road Trip 2008 begins.


A trailer hitch was dropped on my foot. It looked cooler a few days ago.

Would you like some random with your coffee?

Some movies I've seen: Prince Caspian, Iron Man, Indiana Jones, A New Wave and The Hard Easy (some crappy bank robbing movies starring both John Krasinski AND David Boreanaz), Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Baby Mama, Harold and Kumar, Gray Matters (a weird indy with Heather Graham and Tom Cav...Ed), December Boys, Death at a Funeral, and...I think that's all of them. Also, I've re-watched Cloverfield and Juno over and over again.

So, I've noticed that lately I've been getting less convex and I think I may be dropping a few pounds. I just have to reach the goal I set then I can reward myself! I was thinking of rewarding myself with a new tattoo but we'll see what happens.

I can't take summer school because it costs too much. I'm going to be working a lot more instead. The hunt for a new job begins! I think I'll work this summer at Apple Spice, but that's only for the summer. I'm going to have to quit a job though. I can't keep up with Beer Nut, IHC, soccer AND Apple Spice. One of them has to go.

Right now I'm looking for a picture of my Men in Black cake my mom made for one of my birthdays. That cake was awesome. And I'm watching The Andromeda Strain. I read that book a while ago, I actually liked it.

I've been struggling with aspects of my life lately. I don't want to go into detail but...it's hard. I feel like I've lost everything and I don't know what to think or what I can do about it because I try so hard to believe it but everything is proving otherwise. It doesn't make sense but like I said, I didn't want to go into detail.

There have been some life changing movies in my life. Mean Girls made me grow up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall made me realize what I want to do with my life, and I think Indiana Jones made me realize what I might want to do in school. We'll see though.

How Indiana IV Came To Be

(A man, GEORGE, sits alone at his desk. Maybe he's drawing some weird stuff. You know, for the cartoons of his Star Wars series. Another man, STEVEN, enters frantically, looking excited.)

STEVEN: George! George!

GEORGE: (in his feminine drawl) Yes, Steven?

STEVEN: I just had an amazing idea! You ready?

GEORGE: Always, let's hear it.

STEVEN: Alright, what if we took AAAALLLL the movies we've made and combined them into one awesome Indiana Jones sequel!

GEORGE: Oooooh I don't know...will Harrison do it?

STEVEN: No, no, it's cool, he'll do it. I've got it covered don't worry.

(Meanwhile, in the fortress of Harrison Ford-itude...)

HARRISON FORD: (on the phone with STEVEN, who has just pitched the idea) Oooooh I don't know...

STEVEN: No, it'll be great!

HARRISON FORD: Why don't you just let sleeping dogs lie? The first and third were great, I have disowned the second. Come on, leave it alone.

STEVEN: What if we gave you a GREAT ending that George and I have been planning for 15 years???

HARRISON FORD: DONE!

(5 years later in a movie theater...)

REBECCA: THAT'S what took 15 years to plan!? I want a refund.

El Fin

Horoscope of Eerie Aptness

Taurus May 17, 2008:

Are you looking for something to be passionate about in your life? Now that you've ticked so many things off of your 'to do' list, figuring out what to do next might seem like a tough proposition. But there is a good way to get started -- look around today at your people and find out what hobbies, politics and interests they have been into lately. Spend some time learning about the passions of the people you respect, and you just might land upon your next big thing.

"Money doesn't buy happiness."

"That phrase should end with, 'just kidding.'"

Because I'm a Taurus, I tend to do a lot of impulse buying. I bought a $500 camera today. It's a really, really nice one and I love it dearly. I only bought it because I got an economic stimulus check and a pay check in the mail. I don't know what I was thinking.

It's not buyer's regret. It's Rebecca-has-no-money-what-was-I-thinking regret. Suddenly, I have to spend all this money that I don't have and I can't do it anymore. I have school, I have a trip to Seattle coming up, I HAVE SCHOOL. I haven't been staying at home so I have to help pay my own way for things. I HAVE SCHOOL.

I'm thinking of dropping my summer semester. I can barely afford my school as-is, why add to the pressure by adding another semester? I really don't know what to do. Why does money have to be such a huge issue in my life?

If you're wondering, it's a Nikon D40 and it's amazing.

Passion, Drive, and Grit.

I never felt I've been very good at writing, but every says it's what I do best. I guess I disagree because I haven't creatively written anything for my own desire or for fun. I try to work on it but I get distracted. With nothing, usually.

I don't feel very passionate about anything and that's why I'm feeling so lost in my own life right now. Running away for a weekend is great, but when I get back I'm faced with life's questions. Should I stay here? Should I go home? I know when I go home I'll just want to leave again, so should I make the most of my time here? What should I eat for lunch? What can I do to be a better person? Why isn't there anything good on tv?

My biggest problem right now is I just don't know what do to about my life. I don't like one of my jobs. I'm not passionate about it. I want to do something I'm passionate about. I just don't know what I love. I need a direction so...I'm looking for one.

I should really try writing again.

The Lineup?

I miss having weekends.

But I've been working a lot. And I mean a LOT. I started my job at the rec center as a referee for little kids soccer and it is so much fun! Watching little kids (pre-school and kindergarten) try to play soccer is just such a treat. I never knew kids could be so cute.

I'm going camping this weekend. It's going to be sweeeet.

I've gone to the gym everyday this week after work. Zack is really whipping me into shape. I hate him in the gym. He's a really great motivator though. He wants to be a personal trainer so he "practices" on me. This first week has been so painful. However, we were watching tv this evening and while he was giving me a foot rub he noticed I've gained some muscle. Muscle! ME! It's scary. I've got it on my legs and my arms, it's...freaking me out. I feel great though, and that's awesome.

I'm off. It's one thirty in the morning and I need sleep.

Movin' on up?

Since school is over, I was really looking forward to finally having the summer to relax. Then I realized I have summer semester.

What was I thinking? Summer school? School is for the birds!

I've been looking at facebooks and blogs and everyone is saying how they miss their dorm and how it's their "home". Andrew and I were talking, and he said that since he didn't move out or live in a dorm he feels like he missed a major life step. I couldn't agree more.

Hence I'm staying at my second house until I get kicked out. So...it's kind of like moving out.

I've been working almost non-stop, between school, work, other work, training for other work, I miss not doing anything. Can't I just quit move to Hawaii now? Speaking of which, my mom is so against my going to Hawaii and moving out. Aw, it's cute.

Have you seen the infomercial for that grass carpet thing? It's a carpet with seeds in it that you lay on your lawn, water it, and watch it grow! It's like chia-rolls. Yo quiero chia-rolls.

My Perspective

Here's whats up.

I can't deal with old friendships and relationships. It's sad but once I move on, I'm moved on for good. I'm sorry but it's true. I had my heart broken. I've had my heart broken quite a few times, but over the course of two years I've grown from it and I honestly cannot face what hurt me back then.

I was in a very serious relationship (at least I think it was) about two years ago. He left on a mission and I completely supported it. But, as time went on, I grew into who I was and learned what I wanted and who I am. I pretty much broke it off with him and I still feel bad about it because I know I hurt his feelings and I continue to even today. I'm sorry.

My group of friends all left on their respective journies, leaving me and my best friend here to grow and explore our lives back home. I fell in love, again, and vowed I would try to wait for him. Then me and my best friend grew apart due to reasons I don't even know about today. Whatever happened to that friendship? It hurt me, she hurt me bad. I can't even think about two years ago because that friendship was lost and it was such a key part of my life back then. I've grown out of it, and I can't face all the people who are returning because it only makes my heart ache to think about the times back then.

I don't want to relive my past. I love all my old friends though, even though I don't show it. I don't know what else to say...but when I think of it I'll try to tell you.

Alphabizzle

A-Attached or Single? Attached and in looooove.

B-Best Friend? Molly and Shawnee, even though I'm so bad at being a good friend haha.

C-Cake or Pie? Apple pie pleeeeaze

D-Day of Choice? TO-day!

E-Essential Item? My cell phone.

F- Favorite color? Blue.

G-Gummy Bears or Worms? Worms, especially the sour ones

H-Hometown? Salt Lake City UT

I-Favorite Indulgence? Shoes! or underwear.

J-January or July? July, I'm so sick of winter

K-Kids? Er...

L-Life isn't complete without? Love

M-Marriage Date? Heh heh heh

N-Number of brothers and sisters? Er...

O-Oranges or Apples? Applez

P-Phobia and Fears? The north american grizzly.

Q-Quote? "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on."

R-Reason to smile? Whenever Zack does something sweet for me.

S-Season of choice? Spring and summer

T-Tag ten people? Next ten people who read this.

U-Unknown fact about me? I'm trying to go "organic"

V-Vegetable? Carrots. Or Corn. Or Squash!

W-Worst habit? Swearing

X - Best use of X in scrabble? X bow! Cross bow. or Xmas. Christmas.

Y-Your favorite food? Spring rolls or poofy cheetos. and Izzes.

Z-Zodiac Sign?- Taurus. Grr.

19th Birthday!

I had a birthday today! It was probably my favorite birthday I've had. I just feel bad there aren't any pictures, I just don't take a camera anywhere! Argh.

So this morning I woke up, did laundry (fyi, I've NEVER done my own laundry, today was my first day), and then called up Zack. Zack and I went to get lunch then we took it on a picnic (kind of) on a hike up Ensign Peak. I was exhausted and the stupid boy didn't even get winded. It was a great hike though, it made me decide I want to get in shape. I have a gym membership now so, why not?

After the hike we went to the Gateway where I bought a new bike helmet and a camelback for our future hikes. Then we saw Baby Mama and just chilled out for a while. Then bowling, where he beat me twice. The scores were soooo close (110, 119)! Jerk, he used to be really bad at bowling too.

But I went to dinner with my parents on Saturday and brought Zack so he finally met my parents after our six months of dating. He was nervous, I don't blame him, my mom is scary. Things went very well though.

I've had a very good birthday :)

Loving Rant

I feel a little silly posting a blog like this, but I honestly cannot help it.

I'm completely and indefinitely in love. I never would have thought that it would happen so soon in my life, but it did. I found my other half. He truly is my other half, I feel incomplete when he's not around.

He's amazing. Everyday he amazes me and I continue to learn from him. I turned to him when I needed a friend more than ever, and he became so much more. He makes me want to be a better person, and I would do anything for him.

We saved each other, and we're never lettin' go.

I'm so so so SO happy!

(sorry for the shortness of the post, we're on our way to spend the day together!)

Bridal Epidemic part 2

Since my previous post, I've looked around on facebook and talked to some friends and I've found out that there are MORE girls who are engaged and even a few who are PREGNANT.

MARRIED AND PREGNANT.

I graduated with these girls not even a year ago!

...Something is up in my universe. It's freaking me out. Why in a hurry to grow up? Being a grown up sucks. Take your time! Please! For my sanity!

Bridal Epidemic

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months now, and I've noticed a freaky trend among people that I know.

It's only happened three times, but let me tell you about each time:
One of my friends Melanie started dating Rob about the same time Zack and I started dating. So, basically, our relationships are in the same time zone. About a month ago, Melanie and Rob got married (it's cool, she's 28). I didn't think much of it, because Melanie deserved happiness and I was so glad she got it.

Yesterday, I was invited to go to Spain in November. Apparently, the Spanish boy I was supposed to go on a blind date with waaay back in October is getting married, so everyone's going there instead of Cancun for Thanksgiving. If you do the math, the Spaniard has been dating this girl for less than Zack and I have been dating.

Also yesterday, I heard through the grapevine that X is getting married...great for her! I'm happy for her, but I'm just saying, that relationship is probably the same age as mine...

I don't mean to rant (oh and also there's a girl from my senior class down a CEU who is also engaged) but...it's freakin' me out. To be fair, Zack and I have known each other for about three years. But I am not gettin' married until he at least graduates high school (insert shudder because he is still in high school).

3 A.M. Taggins!

1. What five places do you want to visit before you die?
-South Africa
-India
-New York
-Brazil
-Uh...Florida?

2. What five places have you visited so far?
(HA please)
-Ireland
-England
-Sweden
-Italy
-Spain
(This list goes onnnn...)

3. What are your top ten favorite stores?
-ANTHROPOLOGIE
-Banana Republic
-Old Navy
-Barnes & Noble
-Victoria's Secret
-Target
-Ikea
-Wild Oats
-Bed, Bath, & Beyond,
-Uh...Payless?

4. Who are your top five people that you wouldn't be able to live without?
-Zack
-Molly
-Shawnee
-My Family
-My Second Family

5. What are your top four favorite places to eat?
-(Anywhere Japanese)
-Noodles & Company
-Cafe Rio
-Zack's House

6. What is your all time favorite movie?
-(An impossible question)

7. What are your favorite books?
-Any Vonnegut
-Harry Potter
-Many classics (Dickens, Faulkner, Fight Club...)

8. What is your favorite type of candy?
-Good kind. FREE kind.

9. What is your favorite sport?
-Bowling. Because I'm awesome at it.

10. Who are you tagging?
-Andrew
-Shawnee
-Whoever else comes by this

Oh We're Goin' To A Hukilau

Alright, last week was probably the longest week of my life and I have no idea why. Well, okay, it was pretty intense. And after much deliberating and talking and just plain thinking I finally figured out what I want to do with my life.I decided I'm transferring schools and moving to Hawaii next year. I know I'm usually all talk about these sort of things, but this is totally different. It feels right and I just...I don't know, I just feel like I'm supposed to do it.

AH I'm excited!!!

Blog of Mystic Proportions!

I'm really thinking about it...

Look Out People!

It's my birthday month. Everything has to go my way.

Do the twist!

Things I have acquired this week:

1 Muse DVD/CD set

2 Eddie Izzard tickets

3 pairs of new shoes

I don't know what to do about my math problem (no pun intended). No matter how hard I try, I cannot for the life of me understand anything beyond elementary algebra. It's stupid. I shouldn't need all this math for my major.

I could be a philosopher if it didn't require waking up so early.

I'm really bad at parking.

I have the best boyfriend. He's my other half. The Mr. Darcy to my Elizabeth, the Prince Charming to my Cinderella, the Marshall to my Lily, the Jim to my Pam.

You know...some days I just don't wamt to talk about beer.

My friend Molly and I went to lunch, and it made me really happy because I love her and I miss her.

And finally, I know I've made a pact with myself to never plan out my future, but some things have changed and...now I can't help but wait anxiously for it. I cannot wait to be a grown up. It's gonna happen this summer!

"I've getchoo neeeew mister bind!"

I've got a date with Mr. Eddie Izzard on July 11 in Seattle!!!

It was close, but I won the ticket bids so I'm takin' a trip this summer!

It's going to be awesome!!!

"Oh but all my wishes are about to come true"

And alas, I am registered for fall 2008.

I had a dream last night that really made me question my independency. I don't...really have a hold on that...but part of me feels like I'm getting there. The other part is clinging to home saying, "what? you're independent! oh please don't ever leave this place!"

Ha I'm...gonna have to disagree with you, needy part of me.

It's already slap o'clock!

Bah so I think my fall semester schedule is going to resemble fall 2007, mostly night classes. But that's okay. Hopefully by then I'll have a car.

Oh. I will.

Mostly For Sydney